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2005-06-22

Pork Queen Cruises at 2:39 p.m.

At least once a day I find the urge to tell someone that they have too much time on their hands. Are we really concerned about pot candy?


I had to run out to Target at lunch the other day to pick up a rug. I�m not usually at Target during the week and the crowd is quite different than the weekend SUV crowd. Yes, the one that I am normally part of and admit this. In any event, the car in front of me leading into the parking lot was a purple PT Cruiser. Now let me just say that I hate the PT Cruiser on principal alone but the purple just annoyed me even further. It didn�t end with purple either. It was adorned with colored stripes in weird pink hues and sparkly stars and such. It was one of the tackiest things I�ve even seen done to a PT Cruiser or to any car for that matter. The woman driving was about my age which I thought was odd as I was under the impression that you had to be menopausal to drive one of those beasts. When she parked, she took up two spaces, which furthered my annoyance. After I parked and passed behind her car I noticed that she had vanity plates that read PLUMPSN or something like that. Plump Person? That�s great! I mean I saw her get out of the car and as A. would say, she was a biggin. �Good for her!� my brain roared, thinking that at least she�s admitting that she�s a big girl before she even gets out of her vehicle. And the confidence. Thumbs up! You go girl! About half an hour later as I drove out of the parking lot I was still chuckling about that plate. That is until about halfway back to the office when the true meaning of the plate really sunk into my brain. It wasn�t �Plump Person� at all. It was �Plum Passion� alluding to the hideous shade of purple that she had had the car custom painted. My view of PT Cruiser owners is unchanged after all.


I heard an interesting phrase last night. It�s a �go by� as in Hi, my name is %$&(#@ but I go by Plum Win. You are apparently less of a person if you don�t have a �go by� and I�m quite happy to say I do. Everyone should make sure they have a �go by� as I�m thinking it�s going to start coming up more often and if you say �I don�t have a go by� that means you�re kind of a loser.


Did anyone else notice that Oprah is rerunning that hideous Tom Cruise show on Thursday? My god, the insanity. When it actually happened in real time I felt kind of bad for her as she didn�t have any control over his actions and she seemed just as stunned as the rest of us who watched him jump around like an ape on her good, leather couch. But now that she�s rerunning for sheer ratings, I�m just pissed off. This says it all.


One of the many drawbacks of living in California is that you don�t get the opportunity to be the Pork Queen. I�d relish that title. Queen Pork Lives!

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