08.25.05

Penis Size at 4:07 pm

WARNING: GROSS SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD

I know it is somewhat unladylike, but I am obsessed with Tom Sizemore Penis Stories. I became enthralled with this person I had never heard of before after seeing him on 60 Minutes one night. Ed Bradley sat stunned as Sizmore ranted, raged, sobbed uncontrollably, denied things in one sentence and then begged for forgiveness in the next, and finally jumped out of the chair, tore off the microphone, and stormed out. Only to come back again. And calmly state that the interview could go on as if nothing had just happened. Now here is a guy who could give Tom Cruise a run for his money in the celebrity interview Olympics. Ever since that stunning piece of journalism, whenever I see his name pop up on a news source, I check it out. Yesterday I was not disappointed:

"The 43-year-old actor is now starring in a number of hardcore sex videos, online at xxxtom.com."

"Sizemore's manager, Bob DeBrino, told reporters recently that the actor secretly taped his sexual liasons because he suffers from a disease called priapism, which enables him to have sex up to nine times without stopping, by causing a persistent erection."

Wow! That's only a tiny excerpt from the article but it is truly fascinating. Since most jews are total hyprchondriacs anyway, I had a new medical term to look up as well. I googled it and got my answer:

Priapism is a prolonged and painful erection that can last from several hours up to a few days. The priapismic erection is NOT associated with sexual thoughts or sexual activity. What happens is that blood flows into the penis, but is unable to drain as it would in a normally flaccid penis. Considering that the penis provides little room for blood to circulate, the blood becomes stagnant after a while, acidifies, and loses oxygen. Without oxygen, the red blood cells become stiff, and even less able to squeeze their way out of the penis

Now while it seems funny (I am a girl, afterall!), I doubt someone with this affliction could just work at Burger King right?

As long as I'm discussing the penis in this entry, I'm going to include something else that uses unseemly body parts. A follow up to the lovely story of the starlet in the car crash the other day led me to a mini-forum of sorts that was discussing the fact that we should all be able to use the 'being chased by photographers' excuse in any situation. I bring you the best quote I found:

"Sorry I didn't mean to get your daughter pregnant. The paparazzi were chasing me and I crashed into her vagina."

P.S. to you know who. I would have loved to have given you credit for that as a joke but didn't want to embarrass you. You know who you are. No hard feelings?

In other (more tame) news around Sacramento, I've noticed a new phenomenon around here beyond the jaywalkers of late. It's people driving with their hazard lights on in a bunch of different situations. When did this become legal? I've spotted this three times in the past week. I remember living in the Bay Area and you'd be trying to get through SF and people would just put their hazards on, get out of the car, and go into a store. Totally normal. They're just saying "Hey, this city is too big to find parking, I'm getting out here." But they were stopped! The other night on I80, two twenty something girls in a beat to hell Oldsmobile were going about 90 mph with their hazards weaving in and out of traffic. We surmised that maybe people here think that hazards on is the same as both blinkers on! So basically they can change lanes either way without doing anything? Anyone?


Its always strange to see homeless people in the Fab 40s as I did this morning and do see every few weeks. They are making the pilgrimage from McKinley to Paradise Beach, I think. Its kind of like the donner party but with a little booze.

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