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Cops Rule at 11:12 a.m.
This morning on my trip to work I was minding my own business driving down Folsom Blvd. I was in �white trash Albertsons alley� when a uniformed cop darted out in front of my car to get to his which was parked on the other side of the road. I�m used to this happening in this area as it�s an everyday occurrence. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid striking him and he gave me the universal hand signal and facial expression of �I�m sorry, I�m too lazy to go to the crosswalk. I am an asshole.� I gave him the universal hand signal and facial expression of �No problem. Thanks for letting me know. You rock.� See, I�m fine as long as the jaywalker is chagrined for his decision. And the cop knew he was wrong. He wasn�t rushing to the other side of the street to interrupt a crime or anything. He was just getting some coffee. What I�m used to seeing dart in front of my car here is the trashy woman with her three bags of groceries, kid in a stroller, idly crossing in front of all the cars while she tries to stuff her food stamp booklet back into her purse. This woman (and all like her) is never chagrined. No, her attitude is �hey, I gotta get my kids their Kool Aid and Ding Dongs and I�ll cross wherever I damn please.� I slam on my brakes for her too but only because of the baby. You leave that baby at home one day though and you may be sorry.
Since I�m going to be on the news tonight, I think I should have a say in the news in general. In the old days before the internet (which I don�t remember, do you?) I can�t imagine what the news was like. At 5pm you�d sit down in front of the tv and get the recap of the day. How old that would be! They�d be reporting things that happened say, at 10 in the morning? Ridiculous. But things are just as ridiculous now. Now we get on demand, minute by minute news coverage on everything. Breaking News streams into our inboxes almost hourly with tidbits that no way should be qualified as breaking news. Just this morning I got email from CNN and ABC News telling me that the Capitol and the White House were being evacuated. This was sent to me in ALL CAPS. It�s a BIG DEAL the email seemed to scream. Now, ten minutes later, we learn that while those buildings were evacuated, it was for like five minutes. And it wasn�t because of a terror incident or a bomb threat or anything. It was a small plane that entered the air space by mistake. Big Deal. Everyone back to work. In the old days that probably wouldn�t even have made the 5 o�clock news.
I just got another email from e-Diets. Why am I on their list anyway? This time I filled out their little form with my height and weight (5�3�/105 lbs) and they sent me back a customized diet to �lose those last 11 lbs� I need to get off my body to have a perfect frame. I wonder if they will offer to pay medical expenses when I get down to that �ideal� weight and have to be fed Shiavo style from a hospital bed.