Click Away
Go Fug Yourself
Dooce
Sac Rag
Ladies Choice
I Don't Like You In That Way
The Superficial
Anonymous Lawyer
Mimi Smartypants
Contact Me
plumwin at gmail dot com
2005-06-03
Crusing for a bruising at 9:42 a.m.
Tom, like every woman in my age group, I was mesmerized by you in Top Gun and Risky Business had me sizzling with desire. You blew into my life some 20 years ago and it�s been a wild ride. But now, sadly, I must say I hate you. I really do. I know you may think that �hate� is a strong word but I feel it apt to describe my feelings towards you and the antics of the past few weeks have really cinched the deal.
Katie Holmes? I don�t believe it. I really don�t. I think it�s either a publicity stunt or she�s absolutely lost her mind. I can see your attraction to her of course. She�s young. She�s hot. Plus, you have to keep the movie-going public believing that you�re one hot heterosexual guy. But Kaite? There�s no possibility that she�s really that into you. Your shenanigans on Oprah made me cringe outwardly. You were holding on to her like she was your child and you didn�t want her to get kidnapped. It was scary to say the least. Plus, you�ve only been dating a few weeks. What was with all the clingy behavior? Were you worried that if you didn�t keep a tight grip on her she might scream for help? Furthermore, why would a stunning 26-year-old woman wrap herself up to a 40 something guy who can�t have children? It just doesn�t make sense? Oh, you may have won that libel suit years ago when the London papers said you were sterile but we don�t really believe you. I don�t think you actually gave them a semen sample to prove your case, right? They just couldn�t prove theirs and there was some reasonable doubt. We all read the papers. Mimi Rogers divorced you and it seemed that one of the main reasons was your lack of swimmers. And then when you married Nicole, you adopted lickety split. Doesn�t make sense? Are you that selfless? I for one find it hard to believe that two beautiful people like you and Nicole wouldn�t procreate and let us all bask in the result. So I�m one that does believe you probably can�t have children. Nothing to be ashamed of but don�t act like you can but chose not to.
The final nail in the coffin was this week�s outburst at Brooke Shields. Please. I�ve tried to put your Scientology beliefs to the back of my mind and just enjoy you for your looks but this little outburst of yours went too far. What in the world possessed you to act as if you know anything about women�s depression issues and medication? Why did you think the general public would believe that you were suddenly a doctor? Stick to what you know. Act. You are not a doctor and it�s insulting and embarrassing to all of us to hear you dispensing medical advice. Especially female medical advice. This type of thinking is why people are skeptical of Scientology in the first place.
It�s been a rocky road trying to continue to be a fan after my first glimpse of you in your tighty whities but I have to say it�s now over. My only advice would be to Kaite: Get away while you still can.
Crusing for a bruising at 9:42 a.m.
An open letter to Tom Cruise:
Tom, like every woman in my age group, I was mesmerized by you in Top Gun and Risky Business had me sizzling with desire. You blew into my life some 20 years ago and it�s been a wild ride. But now, sadly, I must say I hate you. I really do. I know you may think that �hate� is a strong word but I feel it apt to describe my feelings towards you and the antics of the past few weeks have really cinched the deal.
Katie Holmes? I don�t believe it. I really don�t. I think it�s either a publicity stunt or she�s absolutely lost her mind. I can see your attraction to her of course. She�s young. She�s hot. Plus, you have to keep the movie-going public believing that you�re one hot heterosexual guy. But Kaite? There�s no possibility that she�s really that into you. Your shenanigans on Oprah made me cringe outwardly. You were holding on to her like she was your child and you didn�t want her to get kidnapped. It was scary to say the least. Plus, you�ve only been dating a few weeks. What was with all the clingy behavior? Were you worried that if you didn�t keep a tight grip on her she might scream for help? Furthermore, why would a stunning 26-year-old woman wrap herself up to a 40 something guy who can�t have children? It just doesn�t make sense? Oh, you may have won that libel suit years ago when the London papers said you were sterile but we don�t really believe you. I don�t think you actually gave them a semen sample to prove your case, right? They just couldn�t prove theirs and there was some reasonable doubt. We all read the papers. Mimi Rogers divorced you and it seemed that one of the main reasons was your lack of swimmers. And then when you married Nicole, you adopted lickety split. Doesn�t make sense? Are you that selfless? I for one find it hard to believe that two beautiful people like you and Nicole wouldn�t procreate and let us all bask in the result. So I�m one that does believe you probably can�t have children. Nothing to be ashamed of but don�t act like you can but chose not to.
The final nail in the coffin was this week�s outburst at Brooke Shields. Please. I�ve tried to put your Scientology beliefs to the back of my mind and just enjoy you for your looks but this little outburst of yours went too far. What in the world possessed you to act as if you know anything about women�s depression issues and medication? Why did you think the general public would believe that you were suddenly a doctor? Stick to what you know. Act. You are not a doctor and it�s insulting and embarrassing to all of us to hear you dispensing medical advice. Especially female medical advice. This type of thinking is why people are skeptical of Scientology in the first place.
It�s been a rocky road trying to continue to be a fan after my first glimpse of you in your tighty whities but I have to say it�s now over. My only advice would be to Kaite: Get away while you still can.